dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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