jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
