Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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