$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
that's an acceptable place to lick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
