hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
