literally had 100 drinks last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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