We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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