the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
