I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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