haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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