he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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