I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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