i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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