My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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