That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
