My liver just broke up with me...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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