can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
