I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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