I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
