Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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