you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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