So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
