You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
