Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
