Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
