you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize