My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How does one acquire holy water?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
