Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
