you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I supernannyed him into submission
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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