I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
