woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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