Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
