Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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