fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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