If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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