I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
