yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize