i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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