My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is Oprah even human
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
