Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
