mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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