I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
