youre lurking in front of me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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