i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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