dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize