After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I looked at my own cervix.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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