Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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