he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
