Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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