i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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