Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
