Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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