I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
