I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
