Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
