there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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