how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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