Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
