fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
