he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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