yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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