youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
