You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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