is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
