Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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