it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
