I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we should paint friendship bongs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
