so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
